Dirt Of A Free Mind

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I saw colors of my sins: each freckled on my skin, sewed on
my collar, tied with my solitary soul; pinching, pushing,
breaking, crushing, bleeding red.
I cry black and white, laugh saffron, begin with a green and
end up grey.
Are my sins gay?
How blessed my fate is?
I carry a pocket full of darkness, crashed and burned, with
ashes left under my scarf.
But still I look into the sky and feel blue!!

©DEEPANKAR_TRIPATHI

Imagine, you just woke up early morning at 4 and do not feel like sleeping anymore.
You throw ur blanket like a ninja and rush to the balcony.
You see a thick layer of a dense fog all aroud your body, dimming your eye sight, forcing you to run inside the blanket, but you're a beauty seeker, a solitary soul.

You dont feel cold at 6 degrees of temperature even you just had a night piece on your body, almost nothing.
The cold wind is so heartbreaking and loving at the same time, trying to undress you and kiss your all body parts, from top to bottom, every curve, and every corner, giving you the better touch and feel than you've ever got from your partner while submitting all of you to him/her, getting intimate, and making love at your room on a perfect and romantic winter night.

You just stay there letting the cold breeze play with your body shores, with a fragile touch, seducing and compelling you to go all the way and play with your body by yourself, in the aroma of the soothing and strong breeze, watching and feeling the miracle of an early winter morning, the beauty of the nature.

You come inside ur room, prepare a hot cup of coffee, and manage some cigarettes by finding here and there.
You take the novel from the table, go inside your blanket and
start reading it from where u left last night.
A sip of coffee and a puff of cigarette is followed by hundreds of words and dozens of tries to get the flow again with a proper imagination to feel the same. You keep smoking, drinking your coffee, one after one, and continue reading the novel.
But you cant do that for long, coz its 6:30 and u have to rush for the office.
How unlucky you are? Ain't you?

#DEEPANKAR_TRIPATHI

You are radioactive.
I'm radioactive.
Love is radioactive.
When we meet, nuclear fusion happens that makes us one.
When we left apart, you survive, I survive, love decays.
No one can predict the mean life.
That's how it happens.
That's how it should be.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
Remember, we are radioactive, love is radioactive.

आज बहुत दिनों बाद लिखने का मन आया है,
पर फिर से तेरा ख्याल आया है
कागज फाड़ दिया,
कलाम रख दिया,
पर फिर भी जैसे तेरा नशा-सा छाया है
आज बहुत दिनों बाद लिखने का मन आया है.

इतनी धुप में सुट्टा पीने जाना पड़ा,
पुरानी यादों में फशकर एक घंटे तक धुप में रहा खड़ा.
दारु भी नहीं पी सकता कम्भाकत घर पे जो हूँ
एक फ्रूट बियर में ही नशा-सा छाया है
आज बहुत दिनों बाद लिखने का मन आया है.

उफ़ ये गर्मी...
और आजकल के छोटे बच्चे :
"भैया आपके घर में वाटर-पुरिफिएर नही है?"
अब क्या समझाऊँ इन्हें मैं
तूने तोह २ -२  रुपये के पाउच में भी पानी पिलवाया है
आज बहुत दिनों बाद लिखने का मन आया है.

वो कहते है न
"कही धुप, कहीं छाया है
प्यार कहाँ हर किसी को मिल पाया है"
इसे  सच  समझू  या  झूठ
यही सोच-सोचकर कसम से
तूने सारा प्यार का भूत उतरवाया है
आज बहुत दिनों बाद लिखने का मन आया है.

तू पास है या दूर है
या सिर्फ तेरे पास होने का ये एक झूठा सुरूर है
यही सोच ही रहा था की
फिर फ़ोन बजा,
और पूरे चार दिन बाद उसपे तेरा नाम लिखा हुआ आया है

हद्द है ये इश्क़......
तुझे ब्रेकअप-पत्चुप करने के लिए ये समर टाइम ही भाया है.
आज बहुत दिनों बाद लिखने का मन आया है.

I was a complete mess.
Crumbled, fallen from the crest.
Darkness was all around
My heart stopped beating to my favorite sound.
Anyone can see it through my eyes
Because i was cutted and sliced.
My nights were going so lame
But still i have taken all the blame.
I wanted a new hand to hold
To relive all the emotions that i sold ( in December nights ).

Time passed and here begins a new year.
Suddenly you came in my life
It was January six.
I left all the scars behind
But my heart was not still fixed.
Suddenly It all changed...a new life...a new me.
It was like an angel sent to me.
You are more beautiful than the girl in dreams i see
Your shine, your presence fucked away the darkness hidden in my soul
It was like the world is nothing, we are the whole.

Time passed
I was getting close to you,
So was you.
I was getting attached to you,
So was you.
I fall in love with you.
We talked about it
You were so polite
You said not to love you
I asked why?
You said you will be hurt
I said i will not if you will be my side
You denied
I still don't know why?

I drunk love
I smoked love
My liver is failed
Lungs are about to
Heart is still beating
crush it!!

When my hangover was gone
I realized
I was friend-zoned
May be friends for whole life.

And i remember that fight two thirty AM
As everything was slipping right out of my hands
When i was crying
You handled me with care
I braced myself for the "goodbye"
Coz that's all i have ever known.

You don't wanna be tamed in a relationship tag.
You are a free bird
And i was turning swag.

But now it was too late to face the reality
Because i was not getting you as in my dreams i see.
I sacrificed my insanity.
I switched myself over to all the things that you want me to be
Because you were the best thing ever happened to me
I do not want to lose you.

But still i have a fear
The day you will flew away will be the death of me.

Conversations of last few days were saying a lot
I was putting my efforts to figure out the consequences
And you were trying to hide it......so you succeed.

What about those late night talks till 4 a.m.
We were so happy together like a perfect pair
You never wanted to end up......so was I.

What about the salsa moves
Both were waiting so long.
You always wanted to submit yourself in my arms
And look deep inside my heart through my eyes.
I promised you to drive you on my feet
As the music goes
It seems more romantic
Like a twilight love affair.
But suddenly everything disappeared
Like it never happened and it was nothing.

A half of me is saying
Don't let her go
She might be the one
You always wanted,
You always prayed to god.
A better half of me is saying
She is just an another girl.

You promised me that you'll come back soon
But i know you won't
It seems you always wanted to escape
And now you are gone.
I'm missing you so much
And it's hurting a lot.
But soon I'll get over it
Like I always did in the past.

My friends are saying
Call her and say
You need her
You want her
Say now,
how much you love her.

But there's a rush inside me

A half of me is saying
Don't let her go
She might be the one
You always wanted,
You always prayed to god.
A better half of me is saying
She is just an another girl.

If she wanted to go
Let her go
Don't hurt your pride
So this time i'm listening to my head
What about heart??
It gets break all the time.

Now all i know is
I will get over it
Like i always did in the past
I will survive!!

May be you say it's a bullshit or may be you don't care.
May be you say i'm schizophrenic or may be you say i'm vulnerable.
But baby, in the crave for your love
I was too blind to see
That i'm losing myself just like blurred images on a reflectory.
My side is collapsed with your thoughts, your expressions, your smile, your talks and your eye-contacts
and your side......unaffected......completely unreflected !!!

But now......no more.
I don't wanna hold it anymore.
If you are reading this......better be sure
This is my last song for you.
Now it's too difficult for me
To take that rage and put it on a page
With standing in the shattered stage and recalling all that worst phase......again and again.

May be i'm done or may be i'm giving up.
May be it's little early or maybe it's too late
But baby, now it's too tough
To live like this
Holding the emotions on the verge of a bliss.
I waited for so long
and behaved the way i never belong.
I changed myself to come into your world
But you showed me hard times
Crying, dying and singing sad rhymes.

But now......no more.
I don't wanna hold it anymore.
If you are reading this......better be sure
This is my last song for you.
Now it's too difficult for me
To take that rage and put it on a page
With standing in the shattered stage and recalling all that worst phase......again and again.

RIP THE SAGA OF SELF-DESTRUCTION (AN UN REPUTED LOVE) : 16 SEPT- 24 DEC'13 (100 days).

Once or twice, it's a natural device
Just i'm gonna think, 
I don't have to blink
To Say the goodbye,
I'm one that guy
Whose gonna do, doesn't matter else who.....?

It's time to make a sound,
Don't know what i found
It's time to cheer, 
Just spit the fear
Raise your hands, 
Tie friendship bands.
Live each moment as its your last,
Coz life's gonna pass so fast.
Forget the pains, open your hands for gains

Make this the happiest moment of your life, 
2013 is dead and now 2014 is in my mind........!! 
Happy new year to you all <3

एक ख्वाब
अफशनों सा, अनदेखा सा, बिखरा सा
फिर भी अपना सा.

एक चाहत अधूरी सी
उसे मुक्कमल करने की,

एक कमजोरी
मेरी चाहत, मेरा दिल
और इसकी ये बेचैनी.
इन सर्दी की काली श्याह रातों में भी
बेवजह, बेरोक, बेटोंके
मचल उठता है ये न जाने क्यों...??



कुछ तो है
अलग सा, अज़ीब सा
जीने के नज़रिये को तार-तार करता हुआ
सोच को बार-बार सोचकर बेकार करता हुआ
यूँ ही बावला नही हु मैं.

बेशाबाब, बेझिझक मचल पड़ता है ये
क्या इसे इन सर्द रातों की तेज सर्द हवाओं से मद्धम-मद्धम हिलते हुए पत्तों का ये शोर रास नही आता??
जो इसके अंदर स्वयं ही एक तूफ़ान सा उमड़ता रहता है
कुछ पल के लिए खामोश,
कुछ पल के लिए बेचैन,
कुछ पल के लिए अनजान,
अनदेखा सा, अनसुना सा.
न जाने क्या कहता है ये??


उसपर ये तुम्हारी ख़ामोशी
सुई की नोक सी बाहरी चमड़ी को भेदती हुई दिल के अंदर तक चुभती है
तुम्हे कुछ नहीं पता
तुम शायद अनजान हो इन सब से ओ-बावरी
मैं ही जनता हु
कैसे इससे रोज निपटता हु
न जाने कैसे से पता हु इसे मैं
कैसे खुद को रोक पाता हु.


जी करता है इस तूफ़ान का रुख मोड़ दू
समेट लूँ खुद को मैं...हमेशा के लिए
तोड़ दू सारे सन्नाटे को
चीख लूँ एक आखिरी बार
बस इसी धोखे में

की काश
             यूँ ही इन ख़्वाबों से हौले-हौले गुजरते हुए
             धूमिल पड़े इन इरादों को तुम भी कभी सांस दोगी
             मेरे इस अज़ीब से लम्हे में तुम भी कभी मेरा साथ दोगी
             कुछ पल के लिए ही सही, इसे महसूस करोगी.


पर सच कह
                      तुम जब भी कभी इन रास्तों से गुजरोगी
                      मैं हमेशा तुम्हारे साथ रहूँगा
                      थाम लूंगा तुम्हारे इन कोमल हाथों को
                      और तुम्हारी आवाज़ बनूँगा.

फिर अगले ही पल ये ख्याल आता है
वही ख्वाब...वही चाहत...वही कमजोरी
और इन सब में बस तुम......सिर्फ तुम!

काश इस ख़ामोशी का मतलब जान पाता
क्या है उधर कुछ पहचान पाता
कसम खुद की
इस दुनिया से परे
कुछ अलग, कुछ बेहतर लिख पाता...!!!

I'm dying inside

Hung up in between the mess
Living life without any quest.

Thoughts are going blank
It's like swimming in the beer's tank.

All the ideologies and principles are waste
Trying so hard but not getting the life's taste.

It feels like there's no feeling to feel
Everything is peeping through my eyes
There's no secrets to reveal.

Come a little bit close to me
You'll get everything that you need.

Come break me,
Cheat me,
Play with me
But you'll always hear the sixth string
On top of all......
An obsession on a young man's guitar.
A new song to heal the scar!!!